Listening Take Effort, Make Sure People are Answering Your Questions

Have you ever started to ask a question, or asked one and whomever you are talking to gives you an answer you were not looking for?

Well this has happened to me a few times in conversations and in email!  I don’t really know what to make of it, other than people are not paying attention. They answer what they think I am asking, I pause before telling them

First example, I was in a ride-share asking the driver about the area and if the wait for calling a ride-share was longer than 5 minutes. Since I was in an unfamiliar area, I wanted to know the wait time. If it was longer than 5 minutes, I could order the ride-share while I am at self checkout.

Anyways, so I started to ask, “Are there a lot of ride-shares in the area? Do you know…?” 

As I was asking the second question the driver cut me off with, “I don’t have time to wait for you. You are my last ride because I need to get to an appointment.” I paused, took a breath in and out, and told him, “That is not what I was going to ask you.” He immediately apologized, and asked me to repeat the questions.

Another example, I recently went to Home Depot, I had a light fixture in hand to get a similar fixture. I asked what aisle the light fixtures were in, and was led to the area, only to be passed off to another worker. That colleague asked me, “What are you looking for?” I said, “I am looking for a similar style light fixture to this (shows fixture in hand).” We went back and forth for a couple minutes as his other colleagues stopped by to ask what the issue was. He finally said, “We don’t carry this light fixture anymore. This was made in the 2000s decade. I will have to call my supervisor.” 

I responded with “I understand that. I want something similar. What aisle are the light fixtures in?” He got a page, and said he would be back. I was tired of this nonsense, and went to go find the aisle myself. 

Voilà! I found the aisle of light fixtures. As I was browsing at similar fixtures, and the worker who was supposed to be helping me came into the aisle, and said, “Oh is this what you were looking for?!” I said, “Yes, I asked for a similar light fixture, what did you think I was asking for?” He pointed to the light fixture in my hand, and said, “I thought you were looking for the backing.” I looked at him in pure confusion, and asked, “When did I ever ask for that? I have been repeating that I want a similar light fixture.” He just shrugged his shoulders. 

The email one: I sent someone I have worked with in the past a very simple yes or no question in an email. Her answer was unrelated that I asked myself, “What did I ask?” Went back to my original email, and sent her another email with, “Your response doesn’t answer my question. Will you answer it?” If she didn’t answer it again, I was ready to take the no answer as her answer. However, she did answer the second time. 

She was probably multitasking, otherwise, I don’t know how she was so absentminded when responding to my email, your reference is right there in the email.

My point in relaying these stories is to show that people are in their own worlds, thinking about their own stuff. I don’t think people do this on purpose, at least not within conversations. 

If people reiterate your question, and it is not correct, please speak up for yourself and correct them. Otherwise, they are going to answer the question they think they heard versus what you asked. 

If you want or need to calm or ground yourself, take a moment to breathe in and out, then in a regular voice correct them by asking your question again.

If they still don’t answer your question, well then, they answered it. Maybe they don’t know the answer and instead of just saying it, they give some other answer. Find someone else who can help, or figure it out yourself.